Radio

Donlon Healthmart

Child: Mommy, can we decorate the tree tonight?

Mother: I don’t know, honey; I have a lot of errands to run. I need to pick up decorations, snacks for the holiday party, stocking stuffers, cold medicine, and daddy’s prescription!

Child(horrified): Stocking stuffers!?!?

SFX: Door opening and closing

Dad: Hey darling, I stopped by Donlon Healthmart and picked up some extra decorations, snacks, (whisper) stocking stuffers (unwhisper), cold medicine, and my prescription!

Child: Stocking stuffers!?!?

Dad: Santa wanted me to pick up some things for him at Donlon’s. Now who’s ready to decorate the tree?

Child(squeeling with excitement): ME ME ME ME!

Ann’r: Donlon Healthmart Pharmacy, Water Street, Downtown Decorah is your locally owned, one stop shop for everything from prescriptions to holiday decorations. Go to KDEC radio dot com and click on the big deals logo for bigger savings!

Elaine’s After-Thanksgiving

Stuffed with Turkey and groggy from the after-Thanksgiving festivities, she slips out of the house, past sleeping relatives, and into the empty streets. What could possibly tempt an otherwise sensible woman out of her warm bed on Friday morning? Elaine’s After Thanksgiving sale!! Starting at seven am, save 30% storewide and 40% on winter coats! Save 25% storewide from nine to noon and 20% for the rest of the weekend. Remember, Elaine’s, Downtown Decorah, Friday at seven! And while you’re there, check out the 40% off racks!

Rockwieler Holiday Jingle

to the tune of good king wenceslas

4/4 timing, pulse underlined

This year Rockweiler gave to me,

A low price guarantee-ee

In Decorah, Viroqua, Waukon and

Also in Prairee-ee

Flat screens, speakers, everything

That your home could nee-eed

Plus no interest for a year

And service guarantee-ee-eed

 

Don Jose Hypnosis

Fast Announcer: Warning, do not attempt while driving.

SFX- Relaxing breeze or waves

Calm Announcer: I want you to close your eyes, relax. Imagine you are on a warm beach. You are enjoying a meal, perhaps a nacho appetizer, it could be a fajita platter; whatever it is, you have never tasted anything so wonderful. I want you look where the food came from. You can see a sign. It says, Don Jose. I now want you to slowly come back to reality, staying relaxed, keeping the thought of Don Jose in your mind. Now (clap), I want you to go to Don Jose in Downtown Decorah! Make your holiday reservations now and don’t forget about the gift certificates.

Don Jose Winter

(music-wagner)

One thousand years ago, our ancestors in Norway survived the cold winter months by soaking fish in lye; salt was sparse and spices reserved for trading.

(switch music-conjunto)

Luckily for us, they relocated to the land of opportunity so we can warm ourselves up this winter with authentic Mexican cuisine from Don Jose’s in Downtown Decorah! Grab something off of their amazing new menu and raise a glass to our forefathers who gave us the opportunity to spice up our winters! Don Jose’s, Downtown Decorah. Make your holiday reservations now and stuff some stockings with their gift certificates!

The County Store

Remember the classic image of downtown storefronts all decked out for Christmas? Window displays drawing kids of all ages to peer at the treasures contained. When did this change to hectic hustling through a crowded mall? That which was once magical has become a task, an ordeal. The County Store encourages you to retain that magic by shopping locally in Cresco. Visit their new expansion, The Store Next Door and see their theme rooms and take part in the silent auction! Join the County Store and The Cresco Chamber in supporting our local merchants.

Amundson’s Inventory Reduction

30 seconds

nigel(posh, prince of wales accent): hugh

ann’r(whatever the cool kids sound like these days): brandon

music-vivaldi

Nigel: Good day, Nigel Thorton for Amundson’s Clothing. We’re discussing the perfect Double Windsor. The do-

SFX-Thump of clothing falling

Nigel: Excuse me; the inventory is falling off the shelves here at Amundson’s. As I was saying, the Double Windsor will reveal class, sophi-

SFX-Thump

Nigel: Good lord, man; where do they expect to keep all of these shirts and sweaters?

SFX-Thump

Nigel: Well now I’m quite literally up to my ears in it

SFX-Thump

Nigel: (muffled mumbling)

Announcer(fast, excited, cool kid with pumped up kicks): Amundson’s Clothing, Downtown Decorah, is having a special inventory reduction sale right now! Long sleeve shirts and sweaters are buy one, get the second half off!

Nigel: Amundson’s Clothing for Men, Downtown Decorah, comfort, style, fit.

Elaine’s End of Winter Sale

(start out serious, public service)Every year, thousands of women go through a crisis. It creates headaches, feuds, and self-doubt: How long do you wait after the holidays before resuming your shopping habits? Too soon and you feel as if you are committing a faux pas and perhaps even acting ungrateful. But wait too long and you miss all of the good sales. Luckily for you, Elaine’s, Downtown Decorah, is here to guide you through this difficult time. Come into Elaine’s tomorrow(/today) through Friday(/only) and find fall and winter merchandise at half price! You know Elaine’s has a great selection and great prices so get out there! Shopping season twenty twelve has officially begun. Elaine’s, Downtown Decorah; remember, you can park right out back.

Insurance Associates of Lawler

It’s almost 2012; you know what that means…the end of the world, right? Earthquakes, floods, every manner of nastiness is supposedly coming our way. I can’t imagine a better time to call The Insurance Associates of Lawler. They will offer you fair and honest quotes on whatever insurance needs you may have. If you are preparing to weather the end of the world or just another year, The Insurance Associates of Lawler has your back. Give them a call at 563-238-5131, that’s 563-238-5131. The Insurance Associates of Lawler, protecting you from…whatever.

A+ Autobody Profanity

(SFX:Car Crash)

Ann’r: When you get in a collision, what is your first reaction?

Woman: Sh*t! D*mn!…(stream of profanity, bleeped out)

Ann’r: Oh dear, might we suggest a new respons?.

Woman: A PLUS!

Ann’r: That’s right, A+ Autobody in Honor will take care of all your collision needs. Certified and licensed, with over 25 years over experience, A+ Autobody backs their work with a lifetime warranty! Remember, the only words you should be yelling after a collision are A PLUS. Give them a call at 325 5061, that’s 325 5061.

A+ Autobody, the honorable choice.

Gaylord Discovery Center iPhone

Man 1: My daughter just completed Angry Birds on the highest setting! She hasn’t left her room for four days but we’re so proud of her!

Man 2: That’s nice, my kids ran through a maze, experimented with gyroscopes, created a water-climb out of tubes, and tons more; all while exercising their minds and bodies!

Man 1: Wow, are those iphone aps?

Man 2: No, we went to the Gaylord Discovery Center, right off I-75business loop, a mile south of Alpine Village. It has something for everyone, from toddlers all the way up to senior citizens! The kids made tons of new friends from all over the Country! Check out their webpage at gaylorddiscoverycenter.com or give them a call at (989) 748-4050.

Gaylord Discovery Center-Erik Erikson

Erik Erikson(Prussian Accent): Guten tag, Erik Erikson here for the Gaylord Discovery Center. You may have heard of me as the founder of modern child psychology. I am best known for my theories on the eight stages of development. I am pleased to say that the Gaylord Discovery Center seems to cover them all! I would like to draw your attention to stage five, where a child must explore in order to develop their own identity. What better place to explore their minds, physical ability, and social skills than the Gaylord Discovery Center? They are located on the I-75 business loop, a mile south of Alpine Village. Find them online at gaylorddiscoverycenter.com or call them at (989) 748-4050. Das ist gut, das ist sehr gut!

Tag Limit Outdoors Grand Opening

Ann’r: What are doing on the fourth of July? Sipping Long Island Ice Teas on a blanket amidst a crowd of sweaty people and crying babies? Charring burgers on a grill all day? Or the worst, will you be working? Here’s a suggestion, head over to Tag Limit Outdoors in Honor for their grand opening; try out a bow, pick up some live bait, start on a wish list. Nothing says patriotism like outfitting yourself for another year of hunting and fishing. Give them a call at 231 225 0278 for details or just stop on by, they’re located on 31, right across from the Cherry Bowl. Tag Limit Outdoors, leave the city behind.

Tag Limit Outdoors Northern Pride

Ann’r: Say what you will about Northern Michigan, call us backwoods, say we’re out of touch. Whatever they say about us, we live in the most beautiful place on earth and we know how to enjoy it. The cities have their night life, we have night fishing. The cities have cabs, we have boats. City folk hunt for a place to park all day, we relax with our friends, hunting for dinner. And at Tag Limit Outdoors in honor, we have everything you need to take advantage of our natural bounties. Hunting, fishing, live bait, we’ve got it all. Give us a call at 231 225 0278 or stop on by, we’re right on 31 just across from the Cherry Bowl. Tag Limit Outdoors, leave the city behind.